In conclusion, there is nothing true in this world. "There's no truth to anything we stand for, the world we live in and the thing we put out trust, our fate in."
It's absurd, the statement I just made. Before you judge me for my "overflowing naiveness leading to bullshitting", look at everything we have known through my eyes. Through this one big, one small, dark brown, astigmatism by 50 left, short sighted by 130 right.
Sitting in a 2'6 by 5 toilet at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, I remembered why I am so sick of life. "Now I know that this is life, Pain is just a simple compromise, so we can get what we want out of it." - Misguided Ghost from Brand New Eyes by Paramore.
Pain. The four letter word that make the weak weaker and the strong weak. Why is there pain?
I am an atheist by circumstances. I am a atheist because believes in everything. (A line so full of contradiction). I believe God & Universe, Love & Respect, Morality & Money, Optimism & Pessimism.
Just think about it.
-If God lives in the Universe, then who made God and Universe?
-If God made the Big Bang that made the Universe, then who made God?
-If God is the Universe, then who cause the Big Bang?
-And how can a subatomic particle the size of 1/1000 of the tips of a needle, in a billionth of a billionth of a billionth of a second made time and space? Power of God you say but......
-God took time to make the Universe, so how how does it equates to what I say above?
-Why of all the billions light years, Earth has life? Power of God? (Yeah right...)
-Think of it this way, our Sun is a star. There is evidence that star dies and turn into supernova which emit a bathing of Gamma Ray that will wipe out all existence on Earth. So why is God so cruel?
It does make you feel that God is a fictional character made by a bunch of people during the chaotic time of our ancestor's past to guide the human race into morality.
(FYI, I'm not speaking gibberish rubbish. Scientist will know what I say bout the Physics of the Cosmos is right, and Religionist will know what I am saying. )
In conclusion, more contradiction.
God gave us all love so we may love each other. So we may be at peace with ourselves and everyone around us.
"Love binds us all. Love knows no boundaries."
It is all bullshit. Love doesn't binds me to the girl who is kind and respectful to me cause I have to lose my respect to my parents. I believe in the sanctity of a bless relationship from parents. But I am being struck with a dilemma with a simple reason from my parents that I can't be with her because of the history and "generalised" character of the place she come from, hundreds of kilometre from where I stand. A reason I am force to accept without compromise or evaluation. A "just cause" reason that deteriorate the relationship we started off with full of promises and now is heading down to the drains.
Honestly, how can you based your reasoning on geography and history. I thought that you taught me to find someone who respects me, who love me for who I am. Why are you contradicting to what you say? Even without knowing her, you made up your mind.
How am I to respect you when you say things that turn in all direction?
As you can see, this is love and respect don't mix....it fucks!
And there is a saying that goes "Morality is doing what is right regardless of what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told regardless of what is right." There is some truth in this statement but I never recalled any religion that says "hate other who are not with us."
So what am I suppose to do rather than believe that God is a frictional character design to steer us into morality but somewhere, somehow, someone manage to fuck it up and cause everyone to hate each other.
And money... Money buys us happiness...yes...Money buys stability...
Money is not the root of evil cause..come on......be honest to yourself.
Proper sound system and air condition for religious places needs money to be built. Not funds disguise as "love for one to another in the name of God."
Everything needs money. A proper education needs money, a stable marriage needs money, progression of humanity needs money.
Hecks....every world peace needs money.
And all the things we are willing to do for money...it defies morality. We kill for money, we betray for money. But yet, money makes the world go round.
Humans are just so funny.
IT'S ALL FULL OF CONTRADICTION!!!
So go back to Pain..
It is a pain to be human.
Subjected to one contradiction to another.
I have officially lost fate in me as a human.
But through it all. I know what is happiness. At least to me I know..... the shape, the smell, the warmth, the joy of happiness. I can see that bright light at the end of that contradicting tunnel. And I'm so sorry to say that Pain is a simple compromise to get there. And it will tear us apart and make us crazy. And there is no solution to it.
It is fucked.
What matter does the thought of a 19 year old have?
None I guess.
But through my eyes and through my mind...this is the world as I see it. This the reality as I feel it. There is not truth in what I say.
After all, it is all a contradiction.
CheersX
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