1st year 2nd sem..

As I usher into my 1st year 2nd sem as a mechanical engineering student, I realise alot of shit has happen just a few months ago. I guess now that I have taken a step into 2nd sem, there lies the uncertainty and happiness coming to me. So YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

What I learn bout love.

By the time to realise she's the one, she's either no where to be found or you're too deep into a friendship with her. I hate the way things work.

Where's my epictity?

Look left, look right. Everyone's epic-ly happy with someone. I wish I have an epic story too.

A message with so many meanings. Is it the end or is it the beginning.

Rejection will not be taken lightly, especially not from you. Come to think of it, you really stood by my side and maybe once upon a time, I was something but now the table turn. I don't know what to do to make it perfect but I know this much that be it you be my friend or more, I still want you to be there.

The turtles are going to miss you.

당신을 사랑합니다

Maybe it's time I move on...

"Baru kusadari ...
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
Kau buat remuk seluruh hatiku ... " Pupus-Dewa

Yea...so that's what happen but I wish you could be more honest with me. I mean why do you have to cheat behind my back and disguise him as a girl? And then try to break up with every other reason except the truth.

People have eyes you know. And news travels.

And to the guy....come on man. If she can do it to me, what makes you think she can't do it to you? And don't show public affection if you don't want me to find out. For someone who's older than me, you're a noob.

But I got to say...thank you for wasting a bitch time of my life. At least now, I know who stood by me and not some empty promise jackass. I will not forgive you yet because the truth hurts more now that a lie was there to cover it.

My life moves on. I hope you burn and die.

1st sem...Conclusion

2 weeks more till the event that marks the end of a seemingly short semester, Finals..a.k.a. Fuck I Never Actually Learn Shit..

Hahahahaha....alot happen this semester.

>Hearts were tested.

>Old friend we reunited.

>Learn to see the dark side of things.

>Realise that some girls (If not majority all of them), on the contrary to popular belief, want relationship base on sex, good looks and reputation it holds.

> Transvestite from Pattaya is so hot. (Thanyarasmi Siraphatphakorn)

> And in 23 days, I became a Intermediate Yoyo player. (Yoyojam New Breed)

>Kinda miss playing NFS..

Livers and kidneys

that was awesome!

Earth, the Mental Asylum of the Universe.

Sometimes, I find that it make no sense when people talk. Contradicting to what they stand for when different situations are "serve" to them. (Mind my vocabulary.)

In conclusion, there is nothing true in this world. "There's no truth to anything we stand for, the world we live in and the thing we put out trust, our fate in."

It's absurd, the statement I just made. Before you judge me for my "overflowing naiveness leading to bullshitting", look at everything we have known through my eyes. Through this one big, one small, dark brown, astigmatism by 50 left, short sighted by 130 right.

Sitting in a 2'6 by 5 toilet at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, I remembered why I am so sick of life. "Now I know that this is life, Pain is just a simple compromise, so we can get what we want out of it." - Misguided Ghost from Brand New Eyes by Paramore.

Pain. The four letter word that make the weak weaker and the strong weak. Why is there pain?

I am an atheist by circumstances. I am a atheist because believes in everything. (A line so full of contradiction). I believe God & Universe, Love & Respect, Morality & Money, Optimism & Pessimism.

Just think about it.

-If God lives in the Universe, then who made God and Universe?

-If God made the Big Bang that made the Universe, then who made God?

-If God is the Universe, then who cause the Big Bang?

-And how can a subatomic particle the size of 1/1000 of the tips of a needle, in a billionth of a billionth of a billionth of a second made time and space? Power of God you say but......

-God took time to make the Universe, so how how does it equates to what I say above?

-Why of all the billions light years, Earth has life? Power of God? (Yeah right...)

-Think of it this way, our Sun is a star. There is evidence that star dies and turn into supernova which emit a bathing of Gamma Ray that will wipe out all existence on Earth. So why is God so cruel?

It does make you feel that God is a fictional character made by a bunch of people during the chaotic time of our ancestor's past to guide the human race into morality.

(FYI, I'm not speaking gibberish rubbish. Scientist will know what I say bout the Physics of the Cosmos is right, and Religionist will know what I am saying. )

In conclusion, more contradiction.

God gave us all love so we may love each other. So we may be at peace with ourselves and everyone around us.

"Love binds us all. Love knows no boundaries."

It is all bullshit. Love doesn't binds me to the girl who is kind and respectful to me cause I have to lose my respect to my parents. I believe in the sanctity of a bless relationship from parents. But I am being struck with a dilemma with a simple reason from my parents that I can't be with her because of the history and "generalised" character of the place she come from, hundreds of kilometre from where I stand. A reason I am force to accept without compromise or evaluation. A "just cause" reason that deteriorate the relationship we started off with full of promises and now is heading down to the drains.

Honestly, how can you based your reasoning on geography and history. I thought that you taught me to find someone who respects me, who love me for who I am. Why are you contradicting to what you say? Even without knowing her, you made up your mind.

How am I to respect you when you say things that turn in all direction?

As you can see, this is love and respect don't mix....it fucks!

And there is a saying that goes "Morality is doing what is right regardless of what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told regardless of what is right." There is some truth in this statement but I never recalled any religion that says "hate other who are not with us."

So what am I suppose to do rather than believe that God is a frictional character design to steer us into morality but somewhere, somehow, someone manage to fuck it up and cause everyone to hate each other.

And money... Money buys us happiness...yes...Money buys stability...

Money is not the root of evil cause..come on......be honest to yourself.

Proper sound system and air condition for religious places needs money to be built. Not funds disguise as "love for one to another in the name of God."

Everything needs money. A proper education needs money, a stable marriage needs money, progression of humanity needs money.

Hecks....every world peace needs money.

And all the things we are willing to do for money...it defies morality. We kill for money, we betray for money. But yet, money makes the world go round.

Humans are just so funny.

IT'S ALL FULL OF CONTRADICTION!!!

So go back to Pain..

It is a pain to be human.

Subjected to one contradiction to another.

I have officially lost fate in me as a human.

But through it all. I know what is happiness. At least to me I know..... the shape, the smell, the warmth, the joy of happiness. I can see that bright light at the end of that contradicting tunnel. And I'm so sorry to say that Pain is a simple compromise to get there. And it will tear us apart and make us crazy. And there is no solution to it.

It is fucked.

What matter does the thought of a 19 year old have?

None I guess.

But through my eyes and through my mind...this is the world as I see it. This the reality as I feel it. There is not truth in what I say.

After all, it is all a contradiction.

CheersX